IMPACT Success Stories
IMPACT often hears from graduates who have used their skills -- their awareness, their voice, and their physical skills -- to stay safe in dangerous situations. Here are a few stories from IMPACT graduates:
What No Attacker Can Take Away
A Woman’s Success Story
Before I took the IMPACT women's basics course, I felt paralyzed with fear of a stalker who had violently assaulted me. I had felt helpless, violated, and profoundly, terrifyingly alone in both the assault and its aftermath, and while I did my best to present a confident and successful front to the world, I spent hours and sometimes days hiding in my apartment and in my bed, finding it difficult even to answer the telephone and compounding my sense of helpless isolation.
IMPACT changed that, dramatically and in the space of twenty hours. I gained not only the skills I needed to defend myself,
but also the indelible memory of the calming and encouraging voices of instructors and fellow students who journeyed with me through the course. My life opened up again; I rediscovered my strength, power, and confidence, and I felt able once more not only to face challenges, but to enjoy them and grow from them. I found it such a powerful and positive experience that I wanted to do it all over again, so I enrolled in another basics course a few months later.
They say that the deepest fear of someone who's been traumatized is that it will happen again, and that was certainly true for me. But I had the opportunity during my second time through the IMPACT basics course to see just how effective IMPACT training is in empowering us to act in the midst of fear to take action and find safety.
I discovered this when, in between sessions of my second time through the course, I was sexually assaulted, and successfully defended myself. I was raped, but it was over in seconds because, using my IMPACT training, I put an end to it. As soon as I realized what was happening and adrenaline started to rise, my IMPACT coach's voice spoke clearly from my memory, reminding me to breathe and telling me when to act and what to do. I also heard the voices of my fellow students cheering as I fought, throwing off my attacker and delivering kicks using techniques that just the day before I hadn't been able to consciously recall as I'd been preparing for the week's class. But those movements, like the voices of IMPACT instructors and students, had been imprinted deeply during training, and they returned instantly when they were needed.
I can't say that I was glad to be assaulted again, but I can say that it's no longer my worst fear, and that being assaulted after IMPACT training was a completely different and far less frightening and hurtful experience.
When I was assaulted before IMPACT, I'd felt helpless, terrified, and alone. But with IMPACT training, I wasn't at all helpless: I knew what to do to protect myself and was able to do it in the midst of an actual attack. With IMPACT training, I wasn't paralyzed with terror, frightened as I was; having successfully fought off attackers in the supportive environment of IMPACT, fighting brought up those feelings of safety and support even as my training reminded me to be aware of dangers.
And with IMPACT, I was never alone.
Throughout the experience -- during the fight, seeking a safe way out, assessing ongoing threats from the attacker, and wending my way through the legal system -- the support and cheers of IMPACT stayed with me. And so I didn't need to hide in my apartment. I looked for opportunities to be good to and gentle with myself, but I wasn't devastated or isolated. I chose to fight back, I got the support I needed to do that, and I found that's an empowering feeling that no attacker can take away.
Assessing the Situation
A Man’s Success Story
Recently a friend and I were leaving a bar late in the evening. My friend stopped outside the bar to have a cigarette before getting into my car. There was an obviously intoxicated patron standing outside within earshot arguing with Security. After a few exchanges, the bouncer told him not to come back or he would call the police.
Though we were minding our own business, the guy came over and started badgering my friend. Now, my friend has a mouth on him, but at first he was rather subdued and respectful in his demeanor. That was, until the guy grabbed his arm.
What was I doing this whole time? I allowed my gaze to shift to the right, which is where my car was parked, right in front of the bar. I saw there was no one blocking our path to my car. I realized that this guy was just extremely drunk and obnoxious, but more than likely posed no serious threat. However, he was our one potential obstacle to leaving.
When he grabbed my friend’s arm, my friend yelled at him to let go. I calmly but firmly told him, "My friend and I will be leaving now." He gave us a look, but didn’t get in our way as we walked off and got into my car.
Once there, my friend turned to me and said, "What was that all about? I thought you took all these self-defense classes. What's the point if you’re not going to use it?" I laughed and said, "I did use it. I was able to stay calm and assess the situation. I saw that we had a possible escape from what could be a bad situation without escalating it. One thing I learned from these classes is that once you go physical, anything can happen. Accidents happen, and people can get seriously hurt or die. So if there's any other way out of a situation, take it. Only go physical if it is your only option. It wasn't our only option."
I’m not sure he understood what I was trying to say. But I suggested he take the class so he could find out for himself.
Definitely Worth Fighting For
A Teen Girl’s Success Story
People have often said I am very lucky, and I tend to think they are right. Some of the major problems of growing up as a female teen have passed me by, and I have to thank IMPACT for that. Of course I still change my clothes five times before going out and despair over my hair or the shape of my nose, but then, what teens don’t? I don’t worry about feeling uncomfortable saying “NO!” or about being intimidated by someone‘s size. I respect my integrity and my body.
It is no exaggeration when I say IMPACT changed my life. Finding out I could put my fear into the character, that I could protect myself and was worthy of protecting ... it was such an empowering feeling. When put to the test I discovered I loved myself enough to summon a terrific fighting spirit and knock whoever was in my way down. Because I had to, I was strong, I was powerful, and I could take charge.
I am not trying to make the false claim that IMPACT fixes everything, for it doesn’t. I still had to learn how to be friends with my classmates, even those I disliked, how to get all my homework done on time, and how to overcome the self-doubt that was my biggest enemy. Even though I still had self-esteem problems and sometimes felt I should just give up, I knew I was definitely worth fighting for.
A Course that Could Change Your Life
by Neila Brophy
Originally Published in the Gloucester Daily Times
I have had the incredible experience of participating in a "Model Mugging" class and would like to share some of that experience.
First, let me set the scene. Imagine 13 women, all shapes and sizes, wearing loose fitting clothing, name tags and nervous smiles sitting on the floor on gym mats, and someone who looks like they are wearing a costume. This is your Basics "Model Mugging" class.
The name comes from the method of instructing where the "mugger" is wearing a special padded outfit so he can "model" an actual attack.
This was a very powerful experience for me and still continues to reverberate through my life. The pleasant looking woman instructor turned out to be a dynamic, supercharged fireball. The "mugger" was either a vicious assailant, or the most considerate and caring coach depending on what he was doing in the class. The integrity and dedication of the staff was amazing. They are not frightened by the subject matter, and come to this teaching through their own experiences.
My male instructor was a police officer who was sick of seeing people (particularly women) get really beaten up and mangled. He had seen a lot and knew already the feelings we were experiencing. He watched our class with great concern, as if we were all his sisters, and urged us not to panic but make conscious choices to get ourselves out of a bad situation.
We were taught what an actual full force blow to our assailant feels like. I was able to try out the techniques and learned to defend myself in spite of my panic, fear, tears and rage. It was truly a life giving experience for me because of the experiences I have had in my life, but I remain confident that this class will change anyone's life.
We each had our strengths and weaknesses and learned to use them. The participants in my class were incredible. These women supported each other on every level. We cried together, cheered together. My awareness is different now. I hopefully will never have to use the fighting skills I learned, because I am more alert and pay attention to things differently now. I also do not tolerate abusive situations/people in my life in any form. I believe this course should be part of the physical education requirements for all high school senior women.
If your intuition is saying, I think I should look into that class ... do it. Don't let anything stop you: not finances, time, transportation, old baggage, or physical ability. You've got to use what you have, and the staff has dealt with it all. They will help you, just as they have helped thousands of people already. This is about changing your life.
Amanda Hoeg: A Project SAFE Success Story
Amanda Hoeg is a graduate of the Project SAFE Internship Program. Amanda did such a wonderful job with her internship that IMPACT hired her for a permanent position. She now works as IMPACT’s Administrative and Enrollment Coordinator, and she and her children recently moved out of the shelter and into an apartment of their own.
Photo: Amanda Hoeg with DTA commissioner Julia E. Kehoe
My name is Amanda Hoeg. I am 21 years old, and I have two children. I lived in shelter for 19 months.
When I was a child, I grew up in a home where there was a lot of domestic violence. I watched my mother be brutally abused by my stepfather every day. Then one day the beatings lead to her death. At 6 years old I watched my mother be beaten and then stabbed to death by her abuser, my stepfather.
Then I moved from family member to family member and then to a residential home at the Department of Social Services (DSS). When I was fourteen, I met this guy and I thought that he was the best thing ever. Later I started being abused by him. I knew it wasn‘t right, but growing up I was never shown anything else. I thought that was how someone showed you that they loved you. Later I realized that that was not the case at all. I thank god that I got out when I did.
When I was 16, I met my real father and he offered me a place to stay when I aged out of DSS. So when I turned 18 I moved in with him. I finally thought that I would have some stability in my life, and boy was I wrong. I had a full time job and a car. I had a new boyfriend who I had met when I was 17. Everything seemed good but then I ended up pregnant and my boyfriend was not happy and neither was my father. My father kicked me out and again I was on the street and staying with a friend. Then a few months later my father told me that I could come back and stay with him.
When my daughter was 3 months old my father again kicked me out and I was moving all around with my daughter. From there, I ended up in shelter. While in shelter I learned that I was pregnant with another baby. I didn‘t know what to do. I didn‘t know who to turn to. I thought that things couldn‘t get any worse. But as time went on I went back to school for GED classes and ended up with my GED. I felt so good about myself when that happened because I had been so depressed; I had just had another baby and I was so stressed, and my kids' father and I started to work things out and I was feeling better about things.
I was in the shelter for about 15 months when the staff came to us and said that we had a class that we had to take called IMPACT. They said that it was this self-defense course and I was so aggravated. I really did not want to take this class at all. I said, "I know how to fight -- what can they teach me?" I was so negative about it.
Then after the first two classes I loved it. I did not want it to end. The instructors were great. I felt empowered and felt so good to be me for once in my life. It felt so good to know how much stronger I felt within myself and know that no one can take me down and destroy me as a woman and as a mother.
After taking the class I was offered an internship here at IMPACT, and I loved it. Every woman should feel powerful when they are alone and when they're not, and IMPACT helps you do that. They have also offered me a permanent job and now I can help other women like me and even the women who may not have gone through anything traumatic. I have been doing the job for about 1 month now and I love it. The people at Impact are great. They will do anything to help you feel better about yourself and make sure that you feel safe with yourself.
That is my story and I hope that I have inspired you to go on with your life no matter what you have been through. Good things are bound to happen sooner or later.
Violence Prevention: A Mother's Success Story
Developing the Confidence to Protect Others from Abuse
Often when we think about success stories that happen as a result of self-defense training, we imagine a person interrupting an attack that has already been initiated. The beauty of IMPACT is that it gives people the confidence and skills to interrupt potential violence even sooner.
A Mother’s Story
What I learned from IMPACT is the importance of following my gut and not being afraid to say "NO!!!" or in this case, to say something, maybe quieter, but to LISTEN to my inner voice and to feel comfortable setting boundaries.
As a mother, I needed to feel comfortable being bolder to protect my kids and not worry so much if I offended anyone. IMPACT did that for me. The class did not make me more suspicious, just more aware.
I took my 3 kids to a party at a family member’s house. There were about 60 people there, many I had never met before. When I saw a lot of strange faces, I pulled my older daughters, ages 4 and 6, aside and reminded them to be careful around people we didn't know well. I do this because 1 in 3 females is sexually assaulted at some time in her life, and usually by an acquaintance -- and these family situations are many times the stage for something to occur. It does not take 20 minutes alone to abuse a child; it takes no more than 10 seconds. I never believed this statistic until I starting talking to my family and friends -- and I found out it is true. Of the people I asked, 1 in 3 has been assaulted as a child.
I reminded my husband to keep an eye on the girls when I saw a group of older kids start to befriend them. They were playing ball in the yard. I was helping with the party so I could not watch them too closely myself. A few minutes later I stepped back outside and noticed that they were no longer playing ball. I went to look for them and could not find them anywhere. I asked my husband, my relatives, no one knew. I started yelling for them and after I started getting very upset, one of them came out of the bushes on the side of the house. She told me that she was playing hide-and-seek with the older boys. The girls, of course, loved the attention. I explained that hide-and-seek was not allowed at parties like this. One of the older boys -- 13 or 14 years old -- kept hanging around. I got a bad feeling. I told my husband and my mother what had happened and that the girls were not to be left alone for a second. I took them over to the swing set. Although all of the other teenagers went to the basement to play, this one boy came with us to the swing set.
He started by calling my 6-year-old a nickname. She giggled, of course. Then he did tricks for her and made her laugh, then he started being physical with her -- tickling her, wrestling. It was weird. He then told me I could leave and that he would keep an eye on her. I said no. Then I heard him tell my daughter not to listen to me. He told her several times not to listen to me, and tried to get her to play hide-and-seek again. I felt more and more uneasy. My husband and mother then stopped by the swing set and both grabbed me to say I was right. I was not exaggerating. Each of us took turns sticking to the girls like glue. I also warned the other moms with small children to be careful.
Looking back, I will never know if that teenager had harmful intentions, but I'm glad I didn't take a risk with my children's safety. I am so glad that I was aware and picked up on this early.
Three Abuse Survivors on the Take Your Power Course
Here's what three abuse survivors had to say about the experience with Take Your Power:
"One way I had protected myself from further abuse was always to act tough, as though I had no reason to fear anyone. The problem was that I kept more than potential abusers at bay. I've struggled with this for years, never quite able to let down my guard. I have noticed, however, that I don't feel so compelled to be on 
guard all of the time since taking the class. While I still immediately identify all exits when I enter a room/building, I no longer find that I MUST have my back protected at all times. I actually sat in a meeting recently with my back facing the door ... the first time in over 20 years! Being grabbed from behind was the absolute worst exercise in the class for me, but I am now extremely grateful that I did it. I have taken several self-defense courses in the past, but none of them was as effective as IMPACT. I imagine the difference is the unique structure of IMPACT ... identifying fears openly and taking the time to discuss our reactions throughout the class. Thank you so much for the opportunity to participate. Rarely can one program address so many needs and allow so much growth as this one."
"IMPACT has changed my life. It has been over a month since the program ended, but I've noticed that I now stand a little taller -- less afraid. IMPACT not only gave me the physical ability and training to fight off an attacker, it has helped me grow as a person. I now welcome frustration and fear in my life as an opportunity for growth. I learned through IMPACT that the only way to get over a fear is to blast right through it. I have been facing fears I've carried my whole life and seeing myself getting stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually. Impact has made me a better person!"
"IMPACT had a profound effect on my sense of self. Most significantly, I am reminded that it is safe to be a woman. This simple statement does not come easily or naturally to me. Still I struggle in my daily life to soften and open to believing and living as though I really am safe. Through my experience I grew as a person. I felt surrounded by supportive women who encouraged and nurtured my growth and vice versa. So much internal shifting was going on for all of us, that our meetings became a place to process and ground, and this was important. The physical aspect awakened sleeping emotion and power in me. I moved through many emotions: fear, sadness, rage and into a feeling of victory."
